Épisode Quand S rencontre G... S01E15 - Gossip Girl Saison 1

L'épisode débute par le traditionnel examen qui fait stresser tous les américains, les révisions du SAT. Chacun à sa façon de faire, Dan semble submergé par les informations, Blair est redoutable, Serena essaye, et Chuck paye quelqu'un d'autre pour qu'il se rende à sa place passer l'examen. 

Jenny est toujours punie par son père suite à l'évènement qui s'est produit dans l'épisode précédent. Rufus dicte les règles pour le plus grand déplaisir de sa fille.

Blair parle avec Serena, elle semble inquiète parce que Nelly Yuki, une fille de leur classe, semble être encore meilleure qu'elle et qu'elle vise Yale également. Il y a peu de chance que Yale prennent deux filles de Constance donc Blair compte bien déstabiliser Nelly Yuki. 

Serena parle avec Chuck, celui-ci s'est renseigné, Georgina n'est pas de retour en ville, elle n'a pas à se faire de soucis. 

Jenny propose aux filles de la A-List de venir chez elle pour réviser, les filles semblent emballée mais c'est avant que Blair n'arrive et leur demande de venir chez elle pour réviser avec un spa, des masseurs... Jenny se retrouve donc seule, avec Elise. Elle emmène alors cette dernière vers l'école des garçons, elle souhaite se trouver un roi. 

Nate rencontre Dan sur le parvis de l'école, celui-ci tourne en rond. Nate lui demande si ça a quelque chose à voir avec les SAT. Dan dit qu'il n'est pas très bon pour passer des examens. Nate lui dit l'avoir déjà passé. 

Quelqu'un interpelle Serena, son visage blanchit instantanément... Georgina ! Leur rencontre est froide, Serena ne veut pas se faire avoir par son ancienne amie. Elle ne peut cependant pas lui refuser une soirée. 

Jenny se fait accoster par un jeune homme qui promène des chiens. Il semble très gentil et lui donne son numéro de téléphone. Jenny le jette sous le regard surpris d'Elise. Jenny lui explique alors qu'elle veut un roi, pas un bouffon. 

Nate se rend au bar où travaille Vanessa pour rencontrer Dan. Vanessa se souvient de lui, il a joué un mini-rôle dans son travail vidéo. Nate est simplement venu lui déposer des livres de révision qu'il a lui-même utilisé pour passer son test. Dan le remercie.

Serena et Georgina sont dans un bar. Elles trinquent ensemble. 

La A-List arrive chez Blair, et sont surprises de ne pas voir de masseurs comme promis. Blair leur parle alors de Nelly Yuki, et leur propose une destruction de cette fille. Forcément, les autres acceptent.

Serena est ivre, Georgina et elles se rappellent des moments du passé où elles faisaient les 400 coups ensemble. Alors qu'elles se font draguer par des hommes inconnus, Serena se rend compte de sa bêtise. Elle s'eclipse donc et appelle Chuck. Elle devait se rendre chez Dan pour réviser et ne sait pas comment faire. Chuck lui dit qu'il va l'aider et ensuite venir la chercher.

Chuck appelle donc Dan. Il lui dit que Serena est souffrante, qu'elle a fait une intoxication alimentaire et qu'elle ne pourra pas venir. Dan semble perplexe.

Le lendemain, Dan va voir Chuck et lui demande de se tenir loin de Serena, elle semble avoir changé depuis qu'il a emménagé au Penthouse et ça ne plaît pas à Dan. Serena arrive sur cet entre fait et Dan lui demande ce qui lui est arrivé la veille. Serena lui parle alors de sa migraine... Et Dan comprend qu'ils ont mentit. Il s'en va. Chuck demande à Serena pourquoi elle ne lui parle pas de Georgie. Serena ne veut pas, elle est catégorique.

Nelly Yuki se fait accoster par Penelope et les autres. Elles cherchent à avoir quelques informations et finissent par savoir que son mec l'a plaqué à un concert de Flo Rida. Ni une ni deux, Blair télécharge la musique. 

Un peu plus tard, elle met la musique en marche et passe devant Nelly, qui se met à pleurer. Blair va la voir et apprend ainsi le nom du jeune homme, 

Vanessa attend dans un restaurant grec. Elle demande l'addition mais Nate arrive juste à ce moment là et commande quelque chose à la serveuse, qui l'appelle par son prénom. Vanessa est surprise et lui demande comment ça se fait qu'ils se connaissent. Nate lui explique alors que son père est en désintox pas loin de là et qu'il vient souvent depuis quelque temps. Nate est surtout surprit qu'elle l'ait invité à boire un verre et se demande pourquoi. Vanessa lui dit alors qu'elle a lu un de ses essais, présent dans les livres de révision qu'il a prêté à Dan. Elle s'excuse alors pour l'avoir mal jugé, elle pensait qu'il était comme tous les autres et ce n'est apparemment pas le cas. 

Georgina appelle Serena. Celle-ci lui demande quand est-ce qu'elle repart mais ça n'a pas l'air d'être dans les plans de Georgie tout de suite. Pour s'en débarrasser, Serena lui dit s'être bien amusé mais qu'elle ne peut plus la revoir à cause des examens. Georgie s'excuse pour la veille, elle comprend que Serena a changé et elle l'inspire. Elle l'invite donc à boire un soda et Serena ne peut pas refuser, encore une fois.

Jenny revoit le gars avec les chiens dans la rue, et se rend compte qu'il en est le propriétaire, pas le promeneur. Elle va donc le voir et ils décident de se voir le lendemain. Seulement papa Humphrey ne semble pas d'accord... 

Blair n'a pas de nouvelles de Serena, elle lui laisse un message vocal, lui disant qu'elle s'inquiète. En attendant Nelly est chez elle, à se faire masser. Son ex, invité par Blair, débarque. Nelly semble ravie de le revoir et ils s'en vont pour parler tous les deux.

Nate et Vanessa sont dans le srues de Brooklyn, ils discutent tous les deux. Nate lui demande pourquoi elle ne passe pas le SAT. Vanessa lui explique alors que dans la famille Archibald tout le monde va à l'université, et que dans la famille Abrams, personne ne va à l'université. La soirée touche à sa fin, ils se regardent intensément et finissent par s'embrasser.

Au restaurant, Georgina commande un coca pour faire plaisir à Serena, celle-ci demande la même chose. Alors que Serena s'éloigne un peu pour appeler Dan, Georgina met de la drogue dans son verre. 

Le lendemain matin, Serena se réveille en sursaut, elle ne sait pas où elle est et panique. Elle regarde son portable, elle est en retard pour l'examen. Elle appelle Chuck pour demander à ce qu'il essaye de garder les portes de la salle ouverte, elle se dépêche et arrive. Elle tourne la tête et voir Georgina, elle lui demande ce qu'il s'est passé et Georgina se moque "gentiment" en disant que la vieille Serena est de retour. 

Nate va voir Vanessa avant qu'elle n'aille au boulot. Il demande à ce qu'elle lui accorde une journée, il a une surprise pour elle. Intriguée, Vanessa accepte. Il l'emmène en fait devant les portes de l'école, il l'a inscrit pour le test. Vanessa est stressée mais le remercie.

Blair voit Nelly Yuki qui ne semble pas aller bien. Celle-ci a passé la soirée à pleurer avec son ex. Ils ne se sont pas remis ensemble. Blair est fière d'elle.

Dan et Blair se rencontrent dans le couloir et ils se demandent où est Serena. Blair dit à Dan qu'elle va lui garder une place. Dans la file, Dan entend une jeune fille rousse s'enregistrer au nom de Serena Van Der Woodsen.

Après l'examen. Dan va voir Serena. Celle-ci s'excuse de lui avoir causé du soucis et lui dit qu'elle était malade encore la veille. Dan lui demande de dire la vérité, qu'il comprendrait qu'elle ait paniqué ou autre... Serena lui affirme que ce n'est pas ça et Dan s'en va, agacé.

Chuck lui demande alors ce qu'elle a bien pu faire pour qu'elle n'ose le dire à personne, même pas à lui mais Serena n'arrive pas à avouer.

Serena va voir Georgina, elle lui dit se tenir éloignée, qu'elle ne veut plus la revoir. Elle lui dit que le passé est du passé, que si elle tombe, elle tombera aussi.

Rufus ouvre la porte du loft après que quelqu'un ait sonné. Se tient devant son perron, un jeune homme avec un paquet de hot dogs. Jenny arrive et semble surprise de voir Asher, le garçon avec qui elle a annulé son rendez-vous. Rufus finit par accepter qu'ils mangent ensemble.

Dehors, Dan rencontre Georgina, qui se fait appeler Sarah...

PREVIOUSLY

Gossip Girl: "Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite..."

(Constance/St. Jude's Courtyard)

Delivery Man: I got three cases of champagne for Serena Van Der Woodsen.

Serena: For me?

(Bass Suite)

Eric: Who's it from?

Serena: Porn and handcuffs? This is low, Chuck, even for you.

(Palace Courtyard)

Serena: What's this?

Eric: Chuck said it came for you this morning. Whoa, is that coke?

Serena: How do you like a brother who uses you as a drug mule?

(Bass Suite)

Lily: I can't believe you think Chuck is doing these things.

Bart: What's he done now?

Serena: I'll tell you what he's done.

(Bass Suite)

Serena: If we're gonna exist under the same roof, I am laying down some house rules.

Chuck: No need, Princess. Bart already kicked me out. I'm moving back to my suite.

(Blair's Bedroom)

Blair: I love you, Nate Archibald. Always have, always will.

(Archibald Library)

Nate: I want nothing else to do with you, Blair. It's over.

(MOMA Steps)

Blair: Jenny, if you walk away from me now, I will ruin you.

Jenny: How are you gonna do that?

(Constance Billard School)

Hazel: My mother's Valentino was stolen...

(Jenny's Bedroom)

Hazel: Oh my God. That's my mother's dress.

(Humphrey Loft)

Jenny: Dad, you think that you can just send me off to school with a plaid skirt and a Metrocard, and everything will be okay!

(Chuck's Suite)

Serena: I'm really sorry, Chuck. I know it wasn't you who sent me that stuff.
(Shows him the letter.)

S-
Hope you like your presents!
Coming back to town.
?G

Gossip Girl: "And who am I? That's a secret i'll never tell. You know you love me! XOXO, Gossip Girl."

ACT ONE

("Do The Panic" by Phantom Planet plays over S, B, Chuck and Lonelyboy studying worriedly.)

Gossip Girl: "There are three things we do alone: We are born, we die, and if we're a high school junior headed for college, we take the SAT. And while the test is said to measure our best traits, preparing for it Inevitably brings out the worst..."

(Lonelyboy, at home.)

Gossip Girl: "Humility becomes self-doubt..."

(B yelling the answers while Dorota shows her stationary-quality flashcards.)

Gossip Girl: "Striving becomes obsession..."

(S gulps coffee in a pile of books on her bed.)

Gossip Girl: "Some are driven to self-medication..."

(Hazel, Isabel and Penelope gather seriously around a table.)

Gossip Girl: "While others cling to the security of being part of a group."
(They hit a chess timer and start practice tests.)

(Chuck pays off a guy in the courtyard for something.)

Gossip Girl: "And anyone who's used to bending the rules will find themselves breaking them."

(Lonelyboy's studying in his bedroom; Rufus enters suddenly.)

Dan: Augh! Dad, don't ever do that again.

Rufus: Just doing what I was told. Time's up. I was instructed that whenever time was up, I should share that information.

Dan: Yes, but the manner in which you went about it, it was like you were deliberately trying to humiliate me.

Rufus: ...How bad?

Dan: Uh, half. I finished exactly half in the allowed time.

Rufus: Well, you're a smart kid.

Dan: I'm a choker, I choke.

Rufus: Just in your head.

Dan: T-ball. First grade, remember this? Bases loaded, and I struck out.

Rufus: You were six.

Dan: The ball was on a tee, not moving.

Rufus: You'll come through.

Dan: You're basing that on what, exactly?

Rufus: Blind faith?
(Jenny heads for the front door.)

Jenny: Bye!

Rufus: Wait.

Jenny: Dad, I'm gonna be late.

Rufus: I'm coming with you.

Jenny: What? You're walking me to school?

Rufus: Need the exercise.

Jenny: I made one mistake. It doesn't mean I need A human ankle monitor.

Rufus: You used to beg me to walk you to school. You'd cry if I didn't walk you to class.

Jenny: That wasn't me. That was Dan.

Dan: It's true, but I was six. And it an emotional time for me. It was post-t-ball.

Rufus: Jenny, what you did was wrong and really out of character. Grounding you is not just about punishment, we need to spend some time together. Reconnect.

Jenny: Yeah, I want that too, just... Not in public, and in front of my friends.

Rufus: All right. Tonight, dinner.

Jenny: Okay, and I have group rehearsal. I'm the alto.

Rufus: And I'm really proud, but we are connecting this evening over lasagna.

Dan: Hey, Jen, you wanna wait up for a second? We could take the...
(She slams the door behind her.)

Dan, sharing a look with Rufus: Well, alright. I'll ... see you at school.

(B and S study on practice test handhelds, in the courtyard.)

Blair, finishing: 2200. Fair.

Serena: It's 90th percentile!

Blair: Which means Nelly Yuki probably got 2300.

Serena: You don't even talk to her, why do you care how she does?

Blair: Nelly Yuki has her sights set on Yale, too. What are the odds of them accepting two girls from Constance? And have you seen Nelly Yuki's extracurriculars? I need to kick her well-rounded ass.

Serena: And they say you've lost your edge.

Blair: Nelly Yuki must be destroyed.

Serena: ...Why do you keep saying her name?

Blair: Because it's "Nelly Yuki!"
(S laughs lovingly.)

Blair: Ew, gross. Incoming Chuck. (Gathering her stuff.) You ready?

Serena: No, I gotta wait for Dan. He's pretty stressed. He doesn't do well with tests, so...

Blair: Performance anxiety?

Serena: Bye, Blair.
(B shoots Chuck a nasty look as she's leaving; he joins S.)

Chuck: She really needs to tone down the social niceties. It's embarrassing.

Serena: Eventually, the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues.

Chuck: What issues? I'm issue-free. And based on my exhaustive research... So are you.

Serena, anxious: Georgina?

Chuck: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She's in Switzerland, dating the prince of Belfort.

Serena: There's a prince of Belfort? And she's dating him? Oh, thank God!

Chuck: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with peace of mind... And maybe Chuck in the room?

Serena, shoving him: Oh, shoot, except we're siblings!

Chuck: Georgie always brought out the devil in you. Part of me is a little disappointed she's not here.

Serena: Mm, I wonder which part.

Chuck: It's been a while since I saw the old Serena.

Serena: Well, thanks to her, the new one has to break 2000 on her SATs, so, if you could just go smarm elsewhere...

Chuck: The offer still stands. I know a lovely little redhead that's just dying to be you for the day...

Serena: Oh, I'll leave the cheating to you, Chuck. I plan on taking the SATs myself.
(Chuck leaves; S is relieved at his news.)

(Little J, Isabel, Hazel and Penelope walk down a Constance hallway.)

Penelope: You have no idea how lucky you are.

Hazel: Seriously, Jenny. I would do anything to be a freshman again.

Penelope: Junior year sucks. Nate doesn't call, I'm not ready for the SATs...

Isabel: Maybe I should join Kati on the Kibbutz in Israel, quit now.

Jenny: You guys, it's just a test. Look, cram session tonight. My dad's making lasagna, my brother's got tons of flash cards, and I'm totally available to help.

Blair, appearing: ...That won't be necessary, Little J. You girls are all taken care of, Courtesy of Blair Waldorf SAT Prep & Spa.

Hazel: Are you serious?

Blair: If you're gonna sweat the test, better not clog your pores. This evening at my penthouse, you'll find personal tutors, hot stone massages, mani-pedis and an amazing acupuncturist who specializes in mental acuity.

Jenny: Guess that beats my dad's lasagna.

Blair: I'll flickr over some photos for you, it's upperclassmen only. I'm sure you understand.

Jenny, sadly: Totally.
(After a moment, they turn and join B.)

Hazel: Wait up, B.

Isabel: I'm so glad I didn't book that flight to Tel Aviv.

Gossip Girl: "Spotted in the halls of Constance: Little J. Realizing that age really does come before beauty."

(Lonelyboy meets N on the steps of the school; he's carrying a soccer ball.)

Nate: SATs?

Dan: Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, soccer? Why not ... give the old ball a kick, season's just around the corner... In October. No, no, you know what? I have to stop doing that. I'll just focus on myself, and my test, and my prep. What other people do, or don't do, is about them. Absolutely.

Nate: Not a good tester, huh?
(He heads off; Serena approaches from behind and covers Dan's eyes, kissing him.)

Dan: Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me.

Serena: Good to know you're at least still ... kind of funny.

Dan: Hey, I'm so sorry. I've been completely off the radar the past few days. New home, new family. It's okay.

Serena: Yeah, it's, um, pretty overwhelming.

Dan: Yeah, I've been a little overwhelmed myself lately.

Serena, kissing him: Well, you wanna hang out? Study?

Dan: Oh, I wanna take whatever SAT prep course you're signed up for.

Serena: Well, it's not too late.

Dan: Okay. I'm in, then. I'll see you.
(As Lonelyboy leaves, G appears behind S.)

Georgina: You always did know how to leave them wanting more.

Serena: Oh my God. Georgina.

ACT TWO

(S and G, Still outside Constance.)

Serena: ...What are you doing here?

Georgina: I told you I was coming! Didn't you get my gifts?

Serena: Uh, you're supposed to be in Switzerland dating a prince.

Georgina: Luckily daddy didn't need the G5. Haven't you missed me?

Serena: ...How could I not?

Georgina: Okay. You don't want to throw me a homecoming party, I get it, but let's have a cocktail, Catch up. (S is troubled.) S, you're really gonna hurt my feelings... (Scarier.) And you know how I get when my feelings are hurt. (S gives in.) Great. I'll see you tonight. It's so weird seeing you, it's almost like I never left!
(G leaves; S stares, shaken.)

Gossip Girl: "Spotted in the courtyard: Serena looking like she's seen a ghost. The ghost of parties past."

(Little J buys a hotdog from a street vendor; Elise runs up.)

Elise: Jenny, why did you want to meet here?

Jenny: Well, I've been thinking. What's the one thing that no one in our group has? I mean, not even Blair?

Elise: Compassion?

Jenny: No, a boyfriend. You know, if I'm gonna make it to queen, I need a king.
(They watch some prep school boys.)

Elise: Queen Elizabeth never had a boyfriend.

Jenny: But she only had the Spanish to conquer, and I have Blair Waldorf. Let's talk qualifications. He has to be cute (One boy stoops to check himself out in a parked car's rearview mirror) ... but not full of himself. He has to be from the right kind of family (two guys hit on a girl on the sidewalk) ... Ugh, but not disgusting.
(Elise laughs. A boy walking several dogs is shoved into Little J, and she drops her hotdog, which one of the dogs begins to chew on.)

Asher: Whoa! Oh, oh, aw... I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

Jenny: Yeah, uh, my lunch isn't, though.

Asher: Oh, Linus. Let me give you... (He goes through his pockets.) My last dollar?

Jenny: Oh, I couldn't. You shouldn't be walking the streets with no money.

Asher: Let's just settle for an IOU then.

Jenny: It's just a hotdog.

Asher: That's just my excuse to give this to you. Here's my number.

Jenny: Thank you! I mean... It's fine, I mean, I'm really not even that hungry.

Asher: Well, if you change your mind...
(Little J tosses the number once he's gone.)

Elise: What are you doing? He's gorgeous.

Jenny: He's a dog walker. I need a king, not a jester. Come on. Let's go lurk outside Dalton.

("Campus," by Vampire Weekend; N enters Vanessa's coffeeshop and recognizes her.)

Nate: Hey...?

Vanessa: Vanessa. You're Nate, right? You play a very small but crucial role in my video project.

Nate: Oh, that's right. I remember you following Dan around with your video camera.

Dan, arriving with coffee: Hey, Nate. What are you doing here? I mean, I know the coffee's good...

Nate, dropping several prep books on the table: Since I've taken every SAT prep and review class in the five boroughs, I figured why not pay it forward?

Dan: So... So you don't need these?

Nate: You know, I've actually already taken it. My parents don't want me going to USC, so I had to make sure my scores were good enough to get in without their help. Which thanks to these books, they were, so I'm done.

Vanessa: While we all love hearing about the struggles of the idle rich, Dan's got a fine tutor right here. I ace every practice test I take. So we don't need your hand-me-downs.

Dan: Um, you know what? This is actually pretty good. This looks good. Thank you.

Vanessa: Is there a reason you insist on looking so desperate and needy?

Dan, to Nate: She's been like that since we were kids. Venomous without provocation.

Vanessa: It's better than being a charity case!

Dan: She's rude, too.

Nate, smiling: I see that, yeah... Well, I gotta get going, But I hope these are useful.

Dan: Oh, yeah, yeah, very. Thank you. (Off a look from Vanessa.) What? Look. They're... Hey, every little bit helps.
(Vanessa pouts, notices a handwritten essay in one of the books, and starts reading it.)

("Crimewave," by Health, Crystal Castles Remix; S and G are having Cosmopolitans in a dark bar.)

Serena: Is this really the best place for us to talk?

Georgina: You of all people know nothing gets me talking like a Cosmo.
(Two guys raise their drinks to them from across the room.)

Serena: You know, a lot has changed since we used to hang out, Georgie.

Georgina: I know. I get it.

Serena: No, you don't get it, or you wouldn't have sent me all those so-called "gifts" in the first place.

Georgina: Oh come on, sweetie. Those were funny. Get over yourself, I was just trying to make you laugh! How about this. How about for one night, we hang out like old times, but unlike old times, I won't get out of control. Unless you want me to, I mean, I can totally get out of ... (S chuckles.) No, okay. I won't get out of control, and I totally respect that, please ... stop me any time you feel like answering. Any... Time. (S laughs.) Come on.

Serena: One drink, but only one.

Georgina: Cheers.

(Penelope, Isabel and Hazel enter the empty Waldorf penthouse, disappointed.)

Penelope: ...Where are all the tutors?

Hazel: And the masseuses?

Isabel: And the smoothies?

Blair: All that I have promised you is waiting. And while it gives me great pleasure to think of us crossing that SAT finish line together, before the race can begin you need to be made aware of one little thing.
(B pulls up Nelly Yuki's MySpace.)

Blair: Nelly Yuki, top in our class, Summer schooled at the Sorbonne.

Penelope: Lots of people do summer at Sorbonne. Including me.

Blair: True. Penelope, you may be a National Merit Scholar, but Nelly Yuki is a Merit Scholar, a Peabody Scholar and an Intel Science Talent Search Finalist. Isabel, you're a concert pianist, but Itzhak Perlman himself gave Nelly her very first violin. Hazel... You're just along for the ride, okay? But if any of us wants to live out our college dreams, we have to find Nelly Yuki's weakness and exploit it. So what's it gonna be, aromatherapy or annihilation?

Penelope, after they all share a look: ...What's the plan?

("Nice Sweet Sexy" by Difx, ft. Imperio & Cru. S and G have had more than just one drink, and are laughing hysterically.)

Georgina: ... It was like the worst thing ever! And then! And then, do you remember, do you remember when we ran out of money? And then I had to flash the bartender because we ran out of money ... Wait, wait! Oh my God, remember when we were Savannah and Svetlana?

Serena: Oh, Savannah. Savannah! I totally forgot about Savannah and Svetlana.

Georgina, in a Valley Girl accent: Wait, no. I think we were Tiffany and Angel that night.

Serena: Oh, you could talk me into anything.

Man, approaching: Hey, ladies, can I, uh, get you guys another round?

Georgina: Ooh!

Serena: No, thank you.

Georgina, Russian accent: Oohh. My American girlfriend, so uptight! They think the drink lead to the sex.
(Serena and the two guys laugh.)

Serena, southern accent: No, no, no, I wasn't being rude, I just didn't want to take anything if I couldn't offer anything in return.

Man: We'd be happy with just one dance...

Serena: Awww, I'm afraid I have two left feet.

Georgina: Ah! This is what is the practice for! Come on, lady!

Both: Opa!
(G's phone rings; she tries to answer it away from S.)

Serena: Who is that?

Georgina: Um, no one. Uh, thank you for calling back.

Serena, taking the phone: Nadine the Beauty Queen, how can I help you?

Dealer, on the phone: I don't have time for this, do you want one or two g's?

Georgina: Can you just give it...

Serena: -- Some dealer you know?

Georgina: I didn't realize I brought my grandmother...

Serena, standing: I have to go.

Man, grabbing her arm: Hey...
(S storms off, and G is sad until the guys pull her to the dancefloor. S calls Chuck.)

Serena: I'm so stupid, so, so, so, so stupid.

Chuck: You don't sound stupid, you sound drunk. What have you been into?

Serena: Georgina. Good news is, she doesn't want anything except to party. Bad news is, I partied.

Chuck: Care to paint a picture? Does this party require clothes?

Serena: I'm supposed to be at Dan's studying. I called to tell him I'd be late, but not this late. I...I just have to call him and say...

Chuck: That instead of studying with him, you're out with your old pal Georgina.

Serena: No. I don't want him to know she exists. My Mom, Blair, even you can't stand her, Dan of all people cannot know Georgie. Can you help me?

Chuck: Say you need me.

Serena: Chuck!

Chuck: Hearing you scream my name is more than enough. I'll take care of it, and pick you up in ten.

(Dan's phone rings: it's a Palace number.)

Dan: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.

Chuck: ...You mean all of your life?

Dan: Uh, don't take this the wrong way, Serena, but you sound just like this jackass we know.

Chuck: Serena has food poisoning. She's too sick to come to your playdate.

Dan: Put her on the phone.

Chuck: The bathroom doesn't get reception.

Dan: Somehow I don't believe you.

Chuck: And I'd like to say I'm a little glad about that, But my poor, sick sister has asked for my assistance In the matter, so I'll leave it at this. She's not coming, don't try calling. Humphrey, always a pleasure.

ACT THREE

(Dan approaches Chuck, talking on his phone in the St. Jude's courtyard; there is thunder.)

Chuck: Okay, um... I'm gonna have to call you back.

Dan: Hey.

Chuck: Beautiful day you're ruining, isn't it?

Dan: Do me a favor please, and leave Serena alone.

Chuck: It was Serena I was doing the favor for.

Dan: All I know is before spring break, everything was great. It was good. Now, break's over, she's not quite herself. And I'm trying to think, what has changed in her life? Oh, the Bass family moved into it.

Serena, arriving with a kiss: Hi!

Dan: Hey. Hey, how you feeling?

Serena: Good. My migraine's gone.
(Chuck twitches at S, but it's too late.)

Dan: Migraine? I thought you had food poisoning.

Serena: Yeah, that ... came after.

Dan: What exactly happened last night?

Chuck: I already told him...

Dan, pointing at Chuck without looking away: I'm asking you.

Serena: Well, I got food poisoning, and then Chuck helped me out.

Dan: Okay, where exactly did you eat that you got this killer food poisoning migraine?

Serena: Can we drop the interrogation?

Dan: As soon as you tell me where my girlfriend is.

Serena: I'm right here with you.

Dan, as the bell rings: Look, I gotta go to class. I can't... I can't do this.

Serena: This is exactly why I didn't want her to come back. She's been back a day already and look what's happening.

Chuck: If it's really that bad, why don't you just tell him about her?

Serena: I ... can't. I'll see you later, okay?

(Military drums play while B's Army approaches Nelly Yuki.)

Nelly Yuki: Look, I'm not stupid. I know you're not really interested in how my family owns half of TriBeCa.

Hazel: Of course we're interested! You're the newest member of our little club.

Penelope: Which is only for the smartest girls of the junior class.

Nelly Yuki: Our junior class only has thirty girls, we're already an elite club. Can I go now?

Hazel, off a mean look from B: You know what would be hot? You, us, at G Spa.

Nelly Yuki: I don't drink.

Penelope: Saks Fifth?

Nelly Yuki: Hate shopping.

Hazel: Yogurt on the steps?

Nelly Yuki: Lactose-intolerant. Look, I really don't want any friends. All I want is to be alone and not to listen to Flo Rida ever again.

Penelope, off another B look: What happened? A little backstage hit it and quit it?

Nelly Yuki: What? No, my boyfriend broke up with me at a Flo Rida Concert. One minute we were waving our hands in the air like we just didn't care, and the next...
(Nelly Yuki takes off; B nods to her Army and starts downloading "Elevator.")

(Elise and Jenny walking with their umbrellas in the rain.)

Elise: Since the Dalton guys were a bust, how about collegiate? The boys' lacrosse team is working out just around... Jenny, look.

Jenny, spotting the dog walker: What did I tell you about that dog walker? There are no kings on Craigslist.

Elise, watching him hand off the dogs: But I don't think he's the walker. I think he's the owner.

Jenny, as he waves her over: I ...spy ...my ...king.
(Elise stares as she goes to chat with him.)

(B spots Nelly Yuki studying in the hall and plays "Elevator," Flo Rida ft. Timbaland, on her phone while she walks by.)

Nelly Yuki: Oh God, not that song.

Blair: Nelly Yuki, what's wrong?

Nelly Yuki: It's like it's happening all over again. That song just reminds me of my boyfriend. ...My ex-boyfriend, I should say.

Blair: Oh! ... No! Did he dump you? That's horrible. What... What was his name? Brad? Bill?

Nelly Yuki: Todd. Jansen.

Blair, kneeling: There's nothing like the fresh, sharp pain of a breakup. Believe me, I've had my fair share of heartache... But this is about you. Tonight you're gonna come over to my house, and just cry till you get it all out of your system.

Nelly Yuki: I can't, I have to be focused tomorrow.

Blair: You can't focus when something's on your mind, now can you? Come, come, come. (She closes Nelly Yuki's book.) Tell me all about it.
(She smiles sweetly and Nelly Yuki finally smiles back.)

(Brooklyn Greek diner; Vanessa checks her watch.)

Vanessa: I guess I'll just take the check, please.

Nate, sitting: Hey, hold that, will ya?

Vanessa: Daylight Savings moved to March, maybe no one told you.

Nate: I know I'm late.

Waitress: Coffee, Nate?

Nate: Yeah. Thanks, Cora.

Vanessa: You two know each other?

Nate: I've been here before.

Vanessa: Are you telling me you come all the way to Brooklyn For Greek food?

Nate: Well, when I'm Brooklyn I like to come here. Yes.

Vanessa: ...Because you're in Brooklyn all the time....

Nate: Well ... my father's in rehab a couple blocks away, and um -- which, by the way, is why I'm late, I was... Visiting hours...

Vanessa: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

Nate: No. I mean, it's not like it's some big secret, it was on the front page of every newspaper in the city.

Vanessa: I guess it was, yeah.

Nate: Sometimes after I'm done seeing him, I'm not ready to go back and see my Mom just yet, so I come here and I sit and just, uh...

Vanessa: Think about how hard it is to know whose side you're supposed to be on, Mom versus Dad, kid in the middle? Confession: I read one of your practice essays. You left it in a book that you gave Dan, and that's why I called you. To apologize.

Nate: ...Why?

Vanessa: Because I judged the cover, but now that I've read the book, I figured you were owed some apologetic souvlaki at the very least.
(They smile and laugh.)

(S is walking down the street when her phone rings.)

Serena: Hey, Georgie. It was good to see you last night. When did you say you were going back to Belgium?

Georgina: Um, Switzerland, actually. And I'm supposed to leave tomorrow, but I'm not going until I get a chance to make it up to you first.

Serena, lying: Oh, nothing to make up, I had fun!

Georgina: No, you didn't. I mean, until after you left I don't think I really heard what you were saying. I-I didn't get it. You've really changed.

Serena: Yeah, I have.

Georgina: I don't mean to sound corny, but... It's a real inspiration to me.

Serena: Really?

Georgina: I mean look, I've always thought that I am who I'm going to be for the rest of my life, and even those times when I maybe don't like myself, well... You can't decide to be somebody else.

Serena: No, you can...

Georgina, with a huge glass of vodka: Yeah listen, let's have dinner. I-I mean, I want to hear about your life, and if you can change, maybe there's hope for me, too.

Serena: No, I... I have to study. I have SATs in the morning.

Georgina: It'll just be an hour. We can time it, I promise. The hardest drug on the table will be Perrier.

Gossip Girl: "Spotted: Serena Van Der Woodsen, being given a real life multiple choice question. A: go home and study, B: get a good night's sleep, C: call your boyfriend, or D..."

Serena: An hour.

Gossip Girl: "...None of the above."

Georgina: Good!

Gossip Girl: "Hope that wasn't the wrong answer, S. This test doesn't grade on a curve."

ACT FOUR

(Lonelyboy, studying on the Humphrey couch, annoys Little J, studying at the kitchen island.)

Dan: All right, "capacious." Looks like ... "spacious." What does it mean? "Roomy." Oh yeah. "Captious." Looks like... That looks like "capacious." Oh, I can't concentrate.

Jenny: Sound of your own voice distracting you?

Dan: No. It's, uh, Serena, actually. We had an argument.

Rufus: I'm home!

Jenny, running to him: Oh, lookit! Trig identities are memorized, my Latin is resurrected, and my Lit paper's finished.

Rufus: Impressive. ...Seeing as you've returned the Valentino

Jenny: ...I'm not grounded anymore?

Rufus, producing a new sewing machine: I have something for you.

Jenny: No way! Oh!

Rufus: It's not exactly the same as the one you pawned, but...

Jenny, squealing: Thank you, Dad!

Dan: You know, Jen, no one's happier than me to see this. Do you know how much it costs to get a zipper repaired?

Rufus: Yeah, I figured since you'd be spending so much time at home....

Jenny: ...Wait. What?

Dan: So I guess you're still grounded.

Rufus: Dan.

Jenny: Dad, wait. I met this really nice guy, and I'm supposed to meet him in the Park for lunch tomorrow.

Rufus: Well, grounded or not grounded, you're not old enough to date.

Jenny: It's not a date. He's just a friend.

Dan: Who is this guy?

Jenny: You don't know him. He goes to Unity.

Rufus: Wait, Upper-East-Side Unity?

Dan: Technically that's Upper West Side, Dad.

Rufus: How are you helping? (To Jenny.) I thought you wanted to take a break from that whole crowd.

Jenny: What whole crowd?

Rufus: The one that made you feel like compromising your character was a prerequisite to hanging out with them.

Jenny: So it's okay for Dan to date someone rich, though?

Dan: Well, it's not without its complications, believe me.

Rufus: I thought you said it wasn't a date.
(Jenny screams and runs, slamming her bedroom door.)

Rufus: ...It was nice there for a minute.

Dan: Yeah, it was.

(B and her Army drink smoothies in the parlor while she leaves a voicemail for S.)

Blair: Hey S, I'm just sipping a gingko biloba blended smoothie and wondering how your stomach-migraine is. Call me so I don't worry. (Hangs up.) How you doing, Nelly Yuki?

Nelly Yuki: My upper trapezius seems to hold a lot of sadness.

Blair: Aww, something tells me you'll be feeling better very soon. Any minute.

Nelly Yuki: No. I think I should just go home and study.
(Nelly Yuki tries to get up, but a sharp look from B makes the masseuse shove her down again, hard.)

Dorota: Mr. Jansen is here to see Miss Yuki.

Nelly Yuki: Todd's here? Do I have cushion face?

Isabel, to a look from B: A little.

Nelly Yuki, scrambling to put her glasses back on: Hello, Todd.

Todd: Hi, Nelly. Blair said it was all right if I came.

Nelly Yuki: For a Siberian Ginseng pedi?

Todd: No. I really feel bad about how things ended, Nell.

Nelly Yuki: So do I.

Todd, sharing a meaningful glance with B: Can we talk about it? In private?

Nelly Yuki: Okay! Thank you, B!
(They leave.)

Blair: Lucky for us, mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.
(The girls giggle.)

Blair: Oxygen facials, anyone?

(N and Vanessa, headed down the street in Brooklyn.)

Nate: Next time your sister's band is in town, I want front row seats.

Vanessa: You don't strike me as a lesbian punk fan.

Nate: You know, I am almost offended by how much you underestimate me, Ms. Abrams.

Vanessa: You like punk?

Nate: Oh, I didn't hear you s... You said "punk"? Cause you had me at "lesbian."

Vanessa: Oh, right. Didn't see that one coming.

Nate: Hey, tell me something.

Vanessa: Yes?

Nate: Why do you do SAT practice tests if you're not planning on taking the exam?

Vanessa: To help Dan study. I'm a filmmaker, best education for me is making films.

Nate: I've never met ... anyone who thought college was optional.

Vanessa: My parents are artists, my sister's a musician. Just like going to an Ivy is your family's way, not going to college is mine.

Nate: Think your parents want to adopt a 17 year old? Maybe?
(They reach the coffeeshop and she takes out her keys.)

Nate: So...

Vanessa: So...

Nate: I guess this is good night, then?

Vanessa: I don't live here, you know.

Nate: No, I know.

Vanessa: I'm just grabbing my laptop.

Nate: Oh.

Vanessa: Do you want to come inside?

Nate: Um...

Vanessa: God. It does feel like that doorstep moment.

Nate, kissing her: And what moment would that be?

Vanessa: Yeah. That's the moment.
(They go inside, still kissing.)

(S and G in a booth at a restaurant while "We Started Nothing" by The Ting Tings plays.)

Waitress: Can I get you two a cocktail? 

Georgina, after a moment: Oh... I'm fine with my Diet Coke, thank you.

Serena: Um, yeah. Me too. Thanks.

Georgina: So... Tell me about Dan.

Serena: I did.

Georgina: Oh, come on. His last name and his zip code? Scintillating details. Come on! He's part of Serena, second edition!

Serena: Well... I like the way I feel when he looks at me.

Georgina: How?

Serena: Like... Like I wanna believe in myself. I know, you think it's a cliché?

Georgina: Uh, no. No, sweetie. I think it's... It's incredible.

Serena: Yeah.

Georgina: Look... I know I may not be your most trusted friend right now, but I think I know the old you pretty well.

Serena: Yeah, better than, um, anyone, actually.

Georgina: Well, from where I sit, it would take a lot to bring that person back.

Serena: Um... I'm gonna call him, actually. He's pretty nervous about tomorrow, so I wanna wish him luck. So I'll be back.
(S leaves the table and G's smile falls; she dumps a vial of GHB in S's Diet Coke and sits back as S returns.)

Georgina: That was quick!

Serena: Yeah, he didn't pick up.

Georgina: Oh, you can try him again later.

Serena: Yeah.

Georgina: Okay, I'd like to propose a toast.

Serena: Okay.

Georgina: To the new you.

Serena, proudly: To the new me.

Georgina: Cheers!

ACT FIVE

(S wakes up in her clothes, in G's bed, moaning and confused.)

Georgina: Ooh, you don't look so good. You okay, S?

Serena: No, I'm not okay. Wait, how did we get here? What are we doing here? Oh my God, I'm supposed to be at Hunter College...

Georgina: If memory serves, and it usually does, they don't let you in if you're late.

Serena: Oh my God.

Georgina, hopping on the bed to call room service: I'm thinking eggs. Do you want Florentine or Benedict?

Serena: Wait. I was drinking soda, Georgie.

Georgina: Yeah, until you switched to Patron. Look, don't worry. I called Lily and covered your ass. So... You're welcome.

Serena: No! You... You knew I had SATs this morning.

Georgina: Which is why I brought you here, instead of letting you go home with one of your many suitors. You know the guy with the ironic mustache? You two took over the DJ booth...

Serena: Wait, a mustache? What are you talking about?

Georgina: I guess you haven't changed as much as you thought.

Serena, on the phone: Chuck? Chuck, hey, I'm in trouble. Look, I think I can still make it, but please go to Hunter, try to keep the doors open until I get there.

(N is waiting outside the coffeeshop when Vanessa arrives for work.)

Vanessa: Hey! Last night was strange, but very fun. Still, didn't we just say goodbye like five hours ago?

Nate: I'm taking you somewhere.

Vanessa: I'm going somewhere. To work.

Nate: Get someone to cover for you.

Vanessa: I can't just jump in the car with you because you decide to show up.

Nate: Well, I'm not asking you to. This is a one-time offer, and there's a clock ticking.

Vanessa: But... (N makes a face.) Fine. I am intrigued.

(Little J and Rufus have a silent breakfast while Lonelyboy takes his SAT.)

Rufus: ...You wish your brother good luck today?

Jenny: Yeah. (Silence.) ...May I be excused?

Rufus: No, you may not. And we are not gonna walk around this house all day and not talk to each other.

Jenny: Fine. You want me to speak? I'll speak. You've completely and entirely prejudged the Upper East Side.

Rufus: Maybe you shouldn't speak...

Jenny: Dad, I learned my lesson on my birthday. Asher's not like those girls. He's different, he's nice, and polite, and he likes animals. Please let me go today?

Rufus: So you didn't cancel?

Jenny: I thought you'd change your mind.

Rufus, tossing down his fork and giving her the phone: I haven't.

(N and Vanessa approach Hunter College.)

Vanessa: Nate, I don't know about this. I can't. I didn't even study!

Nate: Yeah, you still made great scores on your practice tests.

Vanessa: That was for fun.

Nate: Listen, there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open. I don't think your parents are gonna be mad at you for choosing your own path. Unless they're related to my parents.

Vanessa: Okay. Right now I'm going inside, and I'm not looking back or I might change my mind.

(B and her Army catch Nelly Yuki coming up the steps looking busted.)

Blair: Rough night?

Nelly Yuki: Yeah, and not in a good way. Todd doesn't wanna get back together.

:

Blair: No? But he said...

Nelly Yuki, dropping her calculator: We stayed up all night having the same conversation about why we broke up, over and over again.

Blair, retrieving and returning the calculator: Unbelievable. I can't believe it. Crazy.

Nelly Yuki: I got no sleep, spent the whole night crying...

Blair: -- Okay! Well, good luck.
(They walk away.)

Isabel: Do you really think this is gonna work?

Blair, producing the batteries from her calculator: Yes, but I also believe in insurance.

Isabel: You never did tell us how you got Todd to play along.

Blair: Isabel, what are you doing later tonight?

Isabel: Uh, not Todd.

Blair: Okay. Well, I guess I'm gonna have to come up with something else.

(B meets Lonelyboy at registration.)

Blair: ...Where's Serena?

Dan: Uh, I don't know, but I bet Chuck does.

Blair: Ugh. Well, I'll try to save a seat for her.

Dan: Yeah, I'll ... I'll keep calling.
(B leaves and he tries S's phone again.)

Dan: Hey, Serena, it's me. A... a very worried me, concerned about a very missing you."

Redhead, at the registration tables: Hi. I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen?
(Lonelyboy stares at Fake S.)

ACT SIX

(B and Lonelyboy walk out of the test together.)

Blair: How'd you do?

Dan: Uh, not my finest hour. I finished, but... I kinda had a lot on my mind.

Blair: I'll keep calling.

Dan: Yeah. I think I know where to find her.
(Lonelyboy heads down the steps, but sees N picking Vanessa up after the test, and stares.)

Blair, on phone: Hey S, it's B. Now I'm really worried. I'm gonna go home and change, and then... (She sees Vanessa and N.) Call me, bye.
(Lonelyboy and B stare as N's towncar drives away.)

(Lonelyboy knocks on Chuck's door; S waits a moment before opening it.)

Dan, relieved: Hey!

Serena: Hey.

Dan: What's going on?

Serena, stepping back: Um... Nothing. I'm fine.

Dan: No you're not, and you need to stop saying that. Hey, come here. Where were you?

Chuck, appearing: She was with me.

Serena: What he means is, we were both at home. Um, my stomach started acting up again...

Dan: Oh, okay. A food poisoning relapse? Look, if... If you didn't study enough and you're freaked out, I can...

Serena: -- I told you. I was sick.

Dan: You paid someone else to take the SAT for you, and that's the best you can do?

Serena: What are you talking about?

Dan: I'm talking about the five-foot-nothing redhead claiming to be Serena Van Der Woodsen. I'm... I'm pretty sure that wasn't you.

Serena: Chuck, what did you do? I told you to keep the doors open. When I got there, they were closed.

Chuck: Yeah, they don't keep the doors open. I was thinking on my feet, just trying to help.

Dan, touching her face: I'm not mad, okay? I'm just worried. I've been so worried about you. Please, help me understand what's going on here.

Serena, sadly: Can we talk tomorrow? I'll call you. I'm sorry.

Dan: I'm sorry, too.
(Chuck reaches to close the door, and Dan leaves.)

Serena: Chuck, you went too far.

Chuck: And so did you, sis. Look, I feel foolish for admitting it, but obviously I've come late to this party.

Serena: English, please.

Chuck: What's Georgina got on you?

Serena: Chuck...

Chuck: Dan, I understand -- but what's so bad you can't even tell me?
(S walks away.)

(G answers a knock at the door; it's S.)

Georgina: Oh, hi sweetie. Let me just, uh, call some room service...

Serena, from the doorway: I don't want you to ever contact me again.

Georgina: Just because of a few nights of harmless fun?

Serena: It wasn't fun waking up and not knowing where I was, it wasn't fun missing the SATs, and it definitely wasn't fun lying to Dan.

Georgina: And this is all my fault because...

Serena: -- My fault. Because I make huge mistakes when I'm with you.

Georgina: So you want to distance yourself from your mistakes by staying away from me? You were there too, Serena. It was just as much you, if not more...

Serena: -- This is not about last year. It's about last night.

Georgina: Like you were just some innocent bystander who walked in on...

Serena: I'm not talking about it, Georgina! Okay? And neither are you. If I go down, you go down with me. In the meantime, stay out of my life.

Georgina: I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't want to be there.

Serena: Then we're agreed.
(Georgina slams the door, and starts to pack angrily before changing her mind.)

(Rufus answers the door at the loft; it's Asher.)

Rufus: You must be the Unity boy.

Asher, shifting a big paper bag full of hotdogs to shake hands: Uh, hopefully there's not another one on his way. Name's Asher, and I do go to Unity. Hi.

Jenny, appearing: Asher? What are you doing here?

Rufus: I was just gonna ask the same thing.

Asher, showing her the bag: Uh, since you couldn't come to the hotdogs, I'm bringing them to you. Sorry to surprise you, sir.

Jenny: That's so sweet, especially since my unreasonable father has grounded me for life.

Rufus: I'm standing right here.

Asher: I wish more of my friends' parents cared enough to ground them when they messed up.

Gossip Girl: Looks like our queen wannabe's found her perfect king.

Rufus: Well, since you're here, with a ... year's supply of hotdogs, maybe you'd like to come in.

Gossip Girl: "We hear he's a Unity man. Guess big brother's been teaching little sis how to snag the ones with a trust fund."

(Lonelyboy broods in the park; a golden retriever runs up.)

Dan: Hey, buddy. There you go.

Georgina: Aw! Georgie, hey! Bad boy! Sorry he disturbed you.

Dan: Uh, it's fine. I love dogs.

Georgina: Really? Do you have any?

Dan: No. Uh, we used to have a cat, but, you know, sister, allergies. Now the cat, Iggy, lives in Florida with my Grandma. I... He doesn't write. Never calls.

Georgina: I'm sorry to hear that.

Dan, handing her the leash: It's just a cat.

Georgina: Um. I'm Sarah, by the way.

Dan: I'm Dan. Nice to meet you, Sarah.

END OF EPISODE